My Worth Defined By A Job

Any time I look for a job it's like I have to download new breathing apps, make sure I have my calming music playing, and pretend like I don't actually care about getting the right job.

I've been actively job searching for a few months now and I've had a few interviews, but every time I'm told the job description, I freak out because it doesn't match up with my life and I have to cancel quite a few things so I could make the hours work.

Today was another job search day so I went to a site that showed jobs that are hiring in my area and I logged into my account. The first thing I saw on my home page were the words, "Your Worth" and under those words it said in capital red letters "DECREASING". I don't think I'm the only one when I say that's not at all how I wanted to start my job search. Every job I looked at after that was indirectly telling me that I'm not qualified or I'm losing my skills so I won't be able to keep up. Search after search, I started to believe the underlying tension and that's when the freak out started. I started to search harder and told myself that I needed to apply for a job today and I had to apply for the perfect job that would work with my current schedule. I was beginning to spiral...fast.

Finally, I stopped looking. I asked myself why I freak out every time I have to job search and why I tell myself I'm not good enough for any of the jobs that sound like fun. It was then that I was reminded of a tattoo idea I had been working on. A little about me, I'm head over heels in love with The Lion King so naturally the tattoo was the sketch of Simba that Rafiki drew on his tree included with the verse Ephesians 2:10 under the belly. The sketch of Simba is a symbol to remember who you are and Ephesians 2:10 is a reminder. I decided to look up the verse and remind myself that I am defined only by who God says I am. Not anyone else, especially not a digital site that doesn't personally know me.

Sometimes we have moments where we spiral until we can't anymore (that happens to me quite a lot) and other times a tiny miracle happens and we get stopped in our path and we get reminded to take a breath and remember who we are and that we are worth more than what others say about us.

I wish I had a step by step process to share with you, but unfortunately this was one of those times where God slowed me down and told me to rethink. I would encourage you to find a way to stop yourself when you start spiraling, whether it's journaling, working out, taking the dog for a walk, or talking to your best friend about it, just make sure you have a healthy way to stop the spiral. Just remember, finding and outlet is a trial and error process, just because one way doesn't work, it doesn't mean you have to lose control every time a challenge comes your way.

Remember, God's got this.

Be Still and Know