Hold It Together

To the woman who is trying so hard to hold it all together...

Whether you're single, have kids, lost a family member, married, in school, or a workaholic, know that life is difficult. There is not a one size fits all guidebook on how to live your life and I can say with almost 100% certainty that there never will be. God created us to all look and act different, so why wouldn't our stories reflect that same beautiful image?

In the last four months, I have gotten in two rear end collisions, went to 3 weddings, had two job interviews, gone to the chiropractor three times a week, and had my cars brakes well...break. In between all these big events have been the usual small things like family get together, work, cleaning, hanging with friends, meetings, car hunting, insurance claim work, and holidays. Needless to say, jam all of that into four months and you have a busy, overwhelming summer (honestly, I wish I was back in high school sometimes where summers consisted of camp and sports).

As each of the big and saddening events happened, I had some breakdowns. I had some times where I bawled for a couple hours and I had times where I shut myself off an continued on auto pilot or so I thought. I wish so badly that I was one of those girls who could smile through everything and absolutely no one could tell if I was having a bad day, but throughout the years, God has blessed me with some people who truly care about me and can sense when I'm not at my best. I am a person who bottles things up until it all takes over my attitude and makes me a person who isn't able to have fun and enjoy life. There have been many nights I came home and waited for my boyfriend to come over so I could let out all my emotions on him and trust me there were a lot. I found myself being mad and annoyed at him for things that he wasn't even present for so small shout out to an amazing man who has taken the courage to still come see me at times when he knows what is about to break loose.

Currently I am still car searching, borrowing my boyfriends mothers car, still working part-time, and still going to the chiropractor three times a week. Something different happened this week. So I love to write little notes to myself on my bathroom mirror since it's where I start and finish every day. I recently wrote a note that said, "The only way you can be the godly woman you crave to be is if you start and end your day with the One who created you to be." Monday morning I took that quote with me and it was a good thing I did. At the time, I was driving my boyfriends car and the rotors were starting to act up the night before, but they started to get worse as the day went on. By the time the afternoon came, it was so bad, the car started to slip out of my control on turns and the steering wheel shook the whole time I was driving. Then I headed to the chiropractor and my back was still in pain (my chiropractor is amazing, it's just that the second accident messed up my back so it's taking its sweet time to heal). On my drive home I started to get overwhelmed by everything going on and tears started to flood at the back of my eyes. Before I could cry, I took a deep breath and remembered what I read on the mirror. I talked to God and told Him that this pain sucks, but I know He is going to fix the brokenness in my life. Now I've said that many times in my life, but that was the first time I believed it 100%.

So to the woman trying to hold it all together--don't. Stop trying to act like everything is ok and let yourself be broken. Let yourself breakdown, but remember the truth that God will fix the broken. Also, find those people you can put in your life who will let you be broken and who can tell when your holding it all in and will call you out on it. Remember God will fix the broken and He will do it sooner than you think.

Be Still and Know